Testimony

 

My entire life has been a struggle. As I share my story, I don’t want to glorify my past. I want to magnify my Savior, Jesus, for rescuing me from the massive deception I was under. Regardless of what’s been done to you or what you’ve done, there is still hope.  And that hope is in Christ alone. 

 

Early Years

My childhood was a strange dichotomy of satanic programming and cultural Christianity. My parents divorced when I was one, chaos ensued thereafter.  I grew up in a trailer outside St.Louis, MO and began practicing sorcery at age six. There was abuse in my home, neighborhood and school. I was a legitimate victim as a child. I was suicidal during middle school. Depression and disassociation were my operating systems. 

 

Throughout my life I learned various modalities of the dark arts. Some were cloaked in white magic, others were overtly demonic. No matter how many doorways I opened to hidden knowledge and healing, I found myself deeper in chaos and confusion. Due to my participation in the demonic realm, the veil between good and evil remains thin. I was raised in the Christian Church. I was engaged and grateful at times, but I never fully bought in.  I grew to hate Christians. I saw them as weak hypocritical sheep committed to prayer without action. (Pastor Matt Trewhella calls this piety. His own testimony site was my inspiration - HowJesuschangedmylife.com)

 

Twenties 

As I grew into adulthood, I continued to identify as a victim. However, at this point, I became responsible for my own decisions. I still felt sorry for myself. I wanted to be rescued and no one was coming for me. I numbed myself with drugs, abusive relationships and any occult practice I could find. I was so blinded by my allegiance to Satan that I enjoyed causing harm to myself and others. I desired power above all else and even murdered my own babies through abortion. I taught a friend how to murder her baby as if I were rescuing her from prison. As all witches know, it was my duty.  I was bound by the demonic realm. Yes, abortion is a sacrament to Satan. 

 

Thirties

In 2017 God began to soften my heart through a tragedy. I was still living in sin but I decided having a baby was a good way to start over.  At the nine week ultrasound the nurse was unable to detect a heart beat. I was devastated. In order to expel my baby’s remains I was given medication. I don’t remember hearing what to expect, but nothing could have prepared me. I lost massive amounts of blood for days. I saw clumps of tissue, the placenta with the tiny cord attached, and the amniotic sac. It was a nightmare. My body felt like it was being ripped apart. I was in labor, delivering my dead baby in pieces. It took years for me to process, but the Lord allowed me to see that this is what I had chosen to do to my other babies through the gruesome murder we call abortion. 

 

In May of 2021, I was complaining to a wise woman about my situation. She plainly responded,  “You don’t know your identity in Christ.”  Say what?! I had never heard that before. What did my identity have to do with Jesus? In the following months a friend sent me Christian podcasts and I received a devotional book from my mom. I hiked the mountains in Reno, NV listening to the gospel message of forgiveness and reconciliation on repeat. The Lord was melting my heart. The hotel I was living in had a Gideon Bible. I began reading one verse of scripture at a time and soon I was reading entire chapters. I was still living in rebellion, but I was being convicted of my sin. Sin was no longer enjoyable. I realized my sin was a crutch I used to avoid responsibility.

 

The more scripture I read, the less I wanted to escape from reality. I was able to admit that I was not a victim. I was a sinner and my sin separated me from God. I needed Jesus to rescue me from my sin. He was and is the only one, the only way to the Father. I believed that He died for me, was buried and three days later rose from the dead. I knew I wouldn’t survive my situation. Was I finally done living for myself? Was I willing to admit I didn’t have the answers? Was I ready to repent of my sin and trust in Christ? Yes! 

 

Romans 6:23  

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

 

Acts 3:19  

Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, 

 

Ephesians 1:7  

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 

 

Ephesians 2:8–10

[8] For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, [9] not a result of works, so that no one may boast. [10] For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

 

Resurrected from the Dead

By September of 2021, I stopped taking drugs and decided to relocate to East Tennessee near my family. I packed my car and fled. I had buried myself in $60,000 of debt and didn’t even have enough money to get across the country, but the Lord provided for me along the way. My estranged mom and stepdad graciously opened their home to me. Three weeks later I started a cleaning business. I soaked myself in Scripture, and God’s Word transformed me. 

 

This was no easy transition. I was coming off drugs. Every part of me was in shock. I had insomnia for eight months, paranoid thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks - it was not pretty. For the first time in my life though, I accepted the consequences of my actions knowing I deserved far worse. The Lord is gracious to provide for all our needs. He gave me a capable body to work, and restored my mind. He helped me build a business and pay off my debt. My life became harder in many ways. Instead of checking  out and indulging myself, I saw my sin and repented.  The Lord was and still is refining me. The decades I spent hating God and wreaking havoc were now spent fighting temptation and reconciling. When we love God and obey His word, the world hates us. I quickly found comfort in the these verses: 

 

John 16:33

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

 

Matthew 10:16

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. 

 

Within weeks of being saved God revealed my former life’s work through 

Deuteronomy 18:10-12 

[10] There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer [11] or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, [12] for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD. And because of these abominations the LORD your God is driving them out before you.

 

I repented of sorcery and murder through abortion. My worldview was changing rapidly. I was hungry for TRUTH. I had been to countless therapists as a pagan (even “Christian” counselors) and nothing truly helped. In 2022, I began the incredible experience of attending Biblical Counseling at my church. An older woman who I had nothing in common with (other than being a sister in Christ) discipled me for nearly a year. What other therapists and diagnoses called CPTSD, depression, panic attacks, anxiety, etc - she called SIN. This is what God’s Word reveals. There is no textbook methodology, diagnosis or medication that can save you. It’s Jesus plus nothing. God healed the “church hurt” from my childhood, by introducing me to discernment and proper discipleship among believers. 

 

The Lord rescued me from the darkness and brought me into His marvelous light. I am a new creation. I am so grateful for my new life in Christ. The fact that God loves me enough to show me my sin and rescue me from my wickedness is incomprehensible. He’s adopted me and given me a new family.  I am no longer my own. I belong to the One True Living God. I am on this earth to do HIS work, for His glory. 

 

1 Corinthians 6:19–20

[19] Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, [20] for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 

 

2 Corinthians 5:20

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 

 

The first three years after being saved were spent lamenting over my past and apologizing to friends and family. The Lord has been merciful to repair so many relationships and build new ones. I met my now husband at church and we were married in January of 2025. I am learning to be a submissive wife (yeah, I said it). After being a man-hating feminist my entire life this is a miracle. I have a wonderful, gentle husband who leads our family because that’s his role. My job is to help him. Our relationship is unique as there are decades between us. We come from vastly different cultures, but  we love Christ more than we love each other, and that’s part of God’s design.

 

It took me thirty nine years to admit the world does not have our answers. We can stop running, friend. We can’t hide anyway. God sees everything. He knows we’re broken and He is the only one who can redeem us. Jesus Christ is our only hope! He is the Great Physician, Wonderful Counselor, and Prince of Peace. 

 

We must continually check our motivation for living:

Who do we serve- ourselves or God?

How will we spend eternity? 

Do we have peace?

Knowing Jesus is the only way any of us can ever have true peace. 

 

The Bible is clear about the perfect, holy nature of God. 

We are wicked. 

Every other religion, cult or philosophy is built on lies. 

We cannot be our own god, we cannot earn our way to heaven or enlightenment. 

We all need Jesus. 

Friend, I urge you to repent and trust in Christ as your Lord and Savior.

I’ve been on the other side. There’s no One I’d rather serve. Christ is King!

 

Isaiah 55:6

“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; 

 

John 8:31-32

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

 

Learn more about the deception I was under in the LIES vs TRUTH page.